Back on the Mat

i walked in the room after months of being away. comfort settled in immediately. i felt like  i was home. my own home doesn’t always give me comfort the way this room does. i took my shoes off stretched out toes and let my feet breathe after a day of standing  on them at work. i took a deep breath, found a quiet back row corner and rolled out my mat.

the hardest part was over. i got myself there. for me, that is the hardest part. it is so easy to make excuses for not having a daily practice. too tired, too busy, too happy, too sad, hungry, full, sick, too tired, too injured…the list is easy to lengthen. usually, if its been over four months without attending my favorite yoga classes i know i am in trouble. i know i am in danger of losing my practice to the elements.  returning to the mat is harder on me emotionally than physically. I have a strong connection to my practice. in short, it is very personal.

the moment that i roll out that mat everything comes back. my sense of calm, my integrity, my passions and my gentleness take over. i become more open and connected to everything around me. i try to explain that feeling to friends who’ve never been to yoga. every class is like coming home. it’s something that does not translate unless it’s a shared experience.

i have always said that I am closer and more open with my friends who have a practice. i guess it is because we are able to share thoughts about our practice. it is such a personal experience  to share insights about breakthroughs, fears, feelings and healing with others. it’s so private and emotional to share these moments with supportive people.

all this comes back when you get back on the mat. when i saw the long dreads that my favorite teacher was now sporting, I realized how much time had gone by. we chanted and entered into our slow and deep hatha practice. i could feel the back of my legs waking up and energy moving into areas that had been stagnant for months.  we had some independent flow time and some freestyle cool down time. before i knew it and hour and a half had passed.

i rolled up my mat feeling renewed, emotional and committed.  all i could think was “i am yoga” .  i think it was my new mantra. we are all victim to saying things to ourselves like ” i wish.. i hope.”  how about “i am”. i am happy. i am creative. i am love. i am freedom.

i can’t wait to go to later this week.